When my clients end a relationship, whether a good or bad one, they often ask me if there was something they should have seen in the beginning. The answer is always yes. As they tell me more about how it started, we usually do discover the warning signs that could have prevented their heartbreak. But they had been too caught up in the seduction to pay attention. Frequently they didn’t even know what to look for in the first place.
First and foremost, when your new sweetheart tells you something about himself, believe him! I can’t stress this enough. If he says, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship,” don’t think, “Well, maybe not with anyone else, but you have such a great connection with me.” The connection part may be true—but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not ready for more. If you ignore that important ingredient, you will get hurt. I had a client who came to me devastated because his girlfriend had cheated on him. But she had told him in the beginning that she had never been faithful to anyone. He trusted the connection he felt and assumed he’d be different, instead of truly hearing what she said. That was a painful mistake. She ultimately did what she said she would do. When people talk about themselves, it’s not in relation to you. It probably has nothing to do with you; it’s all about them. You can’t change them. You have to accept their truth!
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